Imagine a manager who secretly believes one of their team members is unreliable. They give that employee less responsibility and closely monitor their work, expecting mistakes. Over time, the employee's motivation drops and errors increase—just as the manager anticipated. This scenario illustrates a self-fulfilling prophecy: our expectations of others can subtly influence them to behave in ways that confirm those expectations. In psychology, this is sometimes called the Pygmalion effect, a phenomenon where one person's high expectations lead to improved performance in another, while low expectations can drag performance down. In everyday terms, people often live up (or down) to what we expect of them.
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy in Action: Pygmalion vs. Golem Effect
Social scientists have long studied how beliefs become reality in our interactions. In the 1960s, Robert Rosenthal, PhD, Professor of Psychology at Harvard University and a pioneer in the study of expectancy effects, demonstrated this dramatically in a school setting. In one famous experiment, elementary school teachers were told that a special test had identified certain students as "intellectual bloomers" who would make great academic strides in the coming year. In truth, those students were randomly selected. Yet by year's end, the "bloomers" showed significantly larger gains on IQ tests than their peers. The only difference was the teachers' belief in their potential.
Teachers didn't overtly pamper the bloomers; rather, their positive expectations led to subtle but powerful changes in how they treated those students—extra encouragement, more positive feedback, warmer nonverbal signals, and more patience with mistakes.
Teachers gave the bloomers extra encouragement, more positive feedback, warmer nonverbal signals, and more patience with mistakes. In turn, the students internalized this vote of confidence and rose to the occasion. This uplifting cycle of expectation and improved performance is the essence of the Pygmalion effect (named after a mythical sculptor whose love for his statue brought it to life).
Crucially, the reverse is also true. Low expectations can become a trap—a phenomenon known as the Golem effect. If a teacher or manager expects someone to do poorly, they may give less attention, offer fewer opportunities, or be quick to criticize, often without realizing it. The person on the receiving end then loses confidence or motivation, and their performance suffers, fulfilling the negative prophecy. Research by Elisha Babad, PhD, Professor of Education at Hebrew University, confirmed this pattern: teachers who harbored negative biases ended up interacting less and providing less support to those students, who consequently performed worse on tasks.
On the flip side, positive expectations can boost others' performance and growth. As J. Sterling Livingston, Professor at Harvard Business School, wrote in his influential article "Pygmalion in Management": "If a manager's expectations are high, productivity is likely to be excellent. If their expectations are low, productivity is likely to be poor. It is as though there were a law that caused subordinates' performance to rise or fall to meet managers' expectations." We all can recall times when someone believed in us—a coach, mentor, or friend—and how their confidence sparked us to try harder and do better.
Why Expectations Influence Behavior: The Science Behind the Signals
How do our expectations get transmitted to others? Much of it happens through subtle signals in our communication and behavior. As Daniel Goleman, PhD, psychologist and author of Emotional Intelligence, observed: "The nonverbal messages people send, with a look, a gesture, a tone of voice, are far more pervasive and important in the workaday world than generally realized." For instance, if a manager thinks an employee is capable, they might smile more when giving tasks, nod approvingly, or offer helpful guidance. Those encouraging signals boost the employee's confidence. Conversely, if the manager has doubts, their body language may be cooler—perhaps a tense tone, little eye contact, or impatience—signals that can deflate the employee.
Neuroscience offers insight into why these signals matter. As Marco Iacoboni, MD, PhD, Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA and a leading researcher on mirror neurons, has demonstrated, we have specialized brain cells that fire not only when we perform an action or feel an emotion, but also when we observe someone else doing the same. In essence, our brains are wired to mirror the states of people around us. If you've ever yawned because someone else yawned, or felt nervous because the person next to you was on edge, that's mirror neurons at work. They help us empathize and understand others by creating a mini "internal copy" of what we see.
So when you approach someone with warmth, positivity, and belief in their ability, the other person's brain can literally echo some of that state. Studies show that observing someone else's emotional state activates the same brain regions as if we were experiencing it ourselves. In other words, your confidence in someone can become their confidence in themselves, via a kind of neural empathy. On the flip side, if you interact with someone in a guarded, distrustful manner, they may subconsciously mirror that tension or negativity, causing them to respond in kind.
Another factor is social learning. Albert Bandura, PhD, Professor Emeritus at Stanford University and one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, developed social learning theory which tells us that people commonly imitate the attitudes and behaviors of those around them, especially of authority figures or role models. We learn how to behave in large part by watching others and picking up on the responses that behavior gets. Through this observational learning, the person begins to embody the very traits being expected of them.
Evidence from the Classroom to the Boardroom
The impact of expectations has been observed in many settings: schools, workplaces, even clinical therapy. Interestingly, Rosenthal's early research showed this effect even with laboratory rats. In a classic study, psychology students were each given a rat to train on a maze. Half were told their rats were genetically "maze-bright" (highly intelligent at mazes), and half were told their rats were "maze-dull." In reality, there was no difference—the labels were random. Yet within days, the supposedly "bright" rats outperformed the "dull" ones in maze-running.
These were rats—and they became brighter when expected to. So it's not far-fetched that children, or adults, become 'brighter' when expected to.
Why? Because the students, expecting smarter behavior, handled the "bright" rats more gently and patiently, and were more enthusiastic and encouraging during training. As Rosenthal noted: "These were rats—and they became brighter when expected to." So it's not far-fetched that children (or adults) become "brighter" when expected to. This rat study was a catalyst for later human research, underscoring that expectations can alter performance via changes in social interaction, even when subjects aren't aware of the expectations.
In the workplace, the same phenomenon occurs between leaders and their teams. Studies in organizational psychology have documented the Pygmalion effect in companies, military units, and other group settings. In one experiment with the Israeli Defense Forces conducted by Dov Eden, PhD, Professor of Organizational Behavior at Tel Aviv University, randomly chosen platoons of trainee soldiers were described to their instructors as having especially high leadership potential. Those platoons subsequently outperformed other groups on objective tests, despite being essentially equal in ability at the start. The instructors' belief in their "high potential" soldiers translated into subtle differences in training and morale, yielding real results.
Living Up to Expectations in Family and Relationships
Expectancy effects aren't confined to formal roles like teacher-student or boss-employee; they also operate in personal relationships—between parents and children, friends, and romantic partners. A longitudinal survey of 6,600 children conducted by Neal Halfon, MD, MPH, Professor of Pediatrics at UCLA, found that parental expectation was one of the best predictors of kids' success in school. Specifically, kids whose parents expected them to go to college were far more likely to excel academically and attend college than those whose parents had lower expectations. Notably, this effect held regardless of the family's income or background—suggesting that the act of expecting and planning for college helps drive the child's achievement.
In romantic relationships, expectations also play a quiet but important role. Geraldine Downey, PhD, Professor of Psychology at Columbia University, has studied something called rejection sensitivity—essentially expecting rejection from a partner. In a study of dating couples, researchers found that people who anxiously expected to be rejected often behaved in ways that actually triggered more rejection from their partners. A highly insecure person might excessively seek reassurance or act jealous during conflicts. This behavior can frustrate their partner, who then does become more rejecting—exactly what was feared. Over time, relationships with one partner expecting rejection were more likely to fall apart, confirming the prophecy.
Bringing Out the Best in Others: Practical Strategies
- •Focus on strengths and potential: Deliberately look for a person's untapped strengths, even small ones, and acknowledge them. People are often unaware of their own dormant abilities until someone else points them out.
- •Set high but achievable expectations and voice them: Research in education and parenting shows that simply knowing someone has high expectations can motivate an individual to try harder. Make the expectation believable and specific.
- •Provide support and resources: High expectations are not about throwing someone in the deep end. In Rosenthal's study, teachers unwittingly gave the 'bloomers' more support—extra help when concepts were hard, and more patience.
- •Use positive reinforcement and feedback: When the person makes progress or puts in effort, recognize it. Positive reinforcement doesn't mean empty flattery; it means acknowledging real improvements.
- •Model the behavior and attitude you want to see: Actions speak louder than words. According to Bandura's social learning theory, people learn behaviors by observing and imitating others' actions.
- •Avoid negative labels and assumptions: Be mindful not to define people by their shortcomings. If negative feedback is needed, frame it as a specific behavior rather than a fixed trait.
- •Be patient and consistent: Changing behavior and drawing out latent qualities doesn't happen overnight. Stay consistent in your encouraging stance even when setbacks occur.
Conclusion: Shaping a Better Reality Through Expectation
The idea that "other people fulfill the expectations you have of them" is more than just a saying—it's supported by decades of research in psychology, education, and neuroscience. Our expectations can become self-fulfilling prophecies that statistically tilt the odds, nudging people toward behaviors that confirm what we believed about them. As Robert Rosenthal concluded from his research: "What one person expects of another can come to serve as a self-fulfilling prophecy"—we shape each other's outcomes in ways we often don't realize.
Treat a person as they are, and they remain as they are. Treat a person as they could be, and they become what they should be.
The encouraging message is that by being mindful of this dynamic, we can harness it for good. We can check our negative assumptions at the door and choose to give people a fresh slate to surprise us. We can set high expectations in a spirit of support. We can look for the embers of talent or virtue in someone and fan them gently into flame. In doing so, we're not only helping others grow—we're also creating more trust, respect, and positive relationships in our own lives.
As astronomer Carl Sagan, PhD, wisely said: "The visions we offer our children shape the future. It matters what those visions are. Often they become self-fulfilling prophecies." The expectations you hold are part of the "vision" you offer others. Envision greatness, kindness, and growth, and through your actions, invite others to step into that vision. The results may astonish you—and them.