The Challenge of Building New Habits and Changing Personality Traits
Changing ingrained behaviors—especially those tied to one's personality—is notoriously difficult. Whether it's an overly candid person learning diplomacy or an athlete trying to build better leadership habits, old patterns often feel "hard-wired." However, research in psychology and neuroscience shows that with the right strategies, even deeply entrenched traits can be shifted over time. The key is approaching behavior change as a gradual process of habit formation rather than expecting immediate results. This process must be systematic, sustained, and supported by science, avoiding any "quick fixes" or shortcuts.
In professional environments (from corporate teams to college athletic programs), leaders and coaches face the challenge of not only identifying which skills or traits need development, but also figuring out how to actually develop them in themselves and others. A professional, scientific approach can guide the creation of training programs that yield real, lasting change in behavior and character.
How Habits Form: From Conscious Effort to Automatic Behavior
Psychologically, a habit is a behavior that becomes automatic—triggered by cues in context rather than by deliberate decision-making. As Wendy Wood, PhD, Provost Professor of Psychology and Business at the University of Southern California and one of the world's leading researchers on habits, explains, through repetition a chosen action gets linked to a consistent situation, so that encountering that situation in the future prompts the action without conscious thought. For example, someone might automatically buckle their seatbelt upon sitting in a car because they've repeated that behavior in that context countless times.
Neuroscience research shows that when we first attempt a new behavior, it requires active involvement of decision-making areas in the prefrontal cortex. Over time, with repetition, control shifts to the brain's habit center in the basal ganglia (specifically the dorsal striatum), making the behavior more reflexive. As Ann Graybiel, PhD, Professor at MIT and a pioneering researcher on the neural basis of habit, has demonstrated, conscious choices are slowly integrated and reinforced across brain circuits until the action becomes second nature.
During this habit-learning process, the brain releases dopamine as a reward when the behavior is performed, which further strengthens the neural connections linking the context cue to the routine action. The result is that the new behavior can occur with minimal mental effort, freeing up cognitive resources for other tasks. This neuroscience insight aligns with the "System 1 vs. System 2" framework described by Daniel Kahneman, PhD, Nobel laureate and Professor Emeritus at Princeton University—initially a new behavior is effortful and deliberate (System 2), but with practice it shifts to automatic, intuitive (System 1) processing. In practical terms, forming a habit means you no longer rely on willpower each time; the context itself will cue the desired behavior.
Repetition and Time: How Long Does Lasting Change Take?
One of the most common questions is how much repetition—or how many days of practice—it takes to form a new habit to the point of automaticity. The short answer is that it varies widely, but research suggests a median of around 66 days of daily repetition for a behavior to reach a plateau of automaticity.
On average it took about 66 days to feel the behavior happen 'on autopilot,' but individuals ranged from as little as 18 days to as much as 254 days—simpler habits forming faster, more complex routines taking longer.
In a landmark study by Phillippa Lally, PhD, health psychology researcher at University College London, participants who practiced a daily health behavior (like eating fruit after breakfast) reported that their habit strength grew quickly at first and then leveled off after roughly 10 weeks (about two to three months) of consistent practice. On average it took about 66 days to feel the behavior happen "on autopilot," but individuals ranged from as little as 18 days to as much as 254 days—simpler habits forming faster, more complex routines taking longer. This means that the often-cited "21 days to form a habit" is an oversimplification—real habit formation can take two months or more of repetition.
The good news is that you don't need perfect execution every single day. Missing an occasional day did not derail the habit formation process in that study—consistency over time matters more than perfection. When a day was missed, participants' habit strength resumed its growth once they got back on track. However, long gaps or frequent misses can slow the process, since the context-action association needs repeated reinforcement.
It's also important to set realistic expectations. Early on, performing the new behavior will require conscious effort and perhaps feel unnatural. Many behavior-change attempts fail when people become discouraged that after a few weeks they still struggle. Knowing that it's normal for true automaticity to take a couple of months (or more, for complex interpersonal behaviors) can help individuals and coaches stay motivated through that initial "learning phase." Habit formation tends to follow an asymptotic curve—rapid gains in automaticity in the first few weeks, then more gradual improvements as it nears its plateau. Patience and persistence are therefore critical; one analogy is that building a habit is like "fermenting" a good brew—it takes time for the change to fully mature.
Setting Up a Supportive Environment to Lower Resistance
If forming new habits were only about repetition, everyone could do it easily—but in reality, there are many factors that can increase or lower our resistance to habit change. One major factor is the environment and context in which the behavior is performed. Research consistently shows that behaviors become habitual more readily when performed in a stable, consistent context with clear cues.
To leverage this, it's best to choose a specific cue or "anchor" for your new behavior—for example, always doing it at a certain time or after a certain daily event. If the context is the same each time (e.g. "after I eat lunch, I will practice a diplomatic communication exercise"), the situational cue will start to automatically trigger the action over repeated pairings. This is essentially the principle of implementation intentions—making an if-then plan ("If situation X occurs, then I do Y")—which Peter Gollwitzer, PhD, Professor of Psychology at New York University, has shown significantly helps bridge the gap between intentions and actual behavior performance.
In designing a habit-friendly environment, make the desired behavior as easy and frictionless as possible. As BJ Fogg, PhD, behavior scientist at Stanford University and author of Tiny Habits, emphasizes, making habits tiny and simple at first precisely lowers the activation energy needed. In practice, starting with a very small version of the behavior can help overcome procrastination or avoidance. For example, if the goal is to become more diplomatic in communication, one might start by practicing a single diplomacy technique (like rephrasing one blunt comment into a polite suggestion) once per day in a low-stakes context, rather than trying to overhaul one's entire communication style overnight.
Reward and reinforcement are also crucial elements of the environment. The brain's habit system learns faster when behaviors are followed by a satisfying reward. While the ultimate "reward" might be the positive outcomes of the new trait (e.g. better relationships at work due to diplomacy), those can be long-term and abstract. To lower resistance in the short term, one can pair the new behavior with something immediately rewarding. Even simply self-acknowledging the success ("Great, I did it!") can provide a little dopamine hit. Over time, as the behavior becomes habitual, the intrinsic reward will take over, but in the early stages extrinsic rewards help "wire in" the habit loop.
Another way to reduce resistance is by removing or redesigning cues that trigger the undesired old habits. If someone is "extremely candid" to a fault, it might be that certain triggers (like receiving critical feedback or feeling stressed in a meeting) automatically cue a blunt reaction. Part of environment design is identifying those triggers and planning ways to pause or redirect the response. This might involve something like a visual reminder or a pre-planned alternative response when a trigger happens (e.g. take a deep breath and count to three before speaking). In essence, you want to interrupt old stimulus-response patterns and insert the new behavior in those moments.
From Repeated Behaviors to Personality Change: Can Traits Be Trained?
A central focus of this inquiry is personality change—for example, transforming someone's habitual approach from very candid/blunt to more diplomatic and tactful. Personality traits (such as openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, etc.) are often seen as stable, but recent research in personality psychology indicates they are not set in stone. In fact, people can change aspects of their personality through sustained changes in their behavior and mindset.
As Marie Hennecke, PhD, personality researcher at the University of Siegen, and colleagues have described, there are three preconditions for self-directed personality change: First, the individual must genuinely want to change the trait (or see it as necessary to achieve their goals). Second, they must believe that change is possible—that their trait is not immutable. A growth mindset about personality ("I can become more diplomatic if I work at it") facilitates change. Third, they need to alter their behavior in relevant situations consistently, forming new habits that reflect the desired trait. Over time, the repeated state-level behavior leads to genuine trait-level change, especially if the new behavior is displayed across different contexts and noticed by others.
Personality is not destiny—even traits that feel ingrained can shift when a person consistently practices new ways of thinking and acting, essentially 'teaching' their personality new tricks.
Empirical studies support this idea. Nathan Hudson, PhD, personality psychologist at Southern Methodist University, and colleagues have conducted interventions where people actively tried to change a Big Five personality trait over several weeks by practicing relevant behaviors. These studies found modest but meaningful trait changes on self-reports—people became more extraverted, or more conscientious, etc., if they consistently worked on behaviors reflecting those traits. The changes weren't overnight "makeovers," but they were statistically significant and noticeable. Crucially, not everyone succeeds; researchers have noted that individual differences in things like self-regulation ability can affect how well someone can achieve these changes. Still, the overall conclusion is optimistic: with persistence, people can in fact move their personality in a desired direction in psychologically meaningful ways.
What strategies seem to help best in changing a trait? Beyond the general need for repetition, one interesting suggestion from personality science is to "commit to new roles" that embody the desired traits. By taking on a role in life that demands the trait, you essentially immerse yourself in situations that require the new behaviors. For instance, an extremely candid person might volunteer to lead a committee or mentoring role where diplomacy is key—forcing regular practice. Adopting a role is like a natural experiment in trait change, since roles come with social expectations and feedback that can reinforce the new identity.
Another powerful approach is shifting one's identity and self-concept. Rather than thinking "I am a blunt person trying hard to act diplomatic," it helps to start internalizing "I am a diplomatic person." As James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, has emphasized, behavior change is more likely to stick when it aligns with one's self-concept—it feels like "this is just who I am now." Identity-based change tends to last longer and withstand stress better than change based purely on willpower or external goals. A practical tip is to use affirmations or narratives that reinforce the desired identity. Over time, as small wins accumulate, this self-image can solidify. When someone truly sees themselves as a diplomatic communicator, they will naturally act in accordance with that identity, even when under stress.
Multi-Modal Training Methods to Build New Behaviors
Knowing the theory of habit formation and personality change is one thing—applying it in a training program is another. To bridge the gap between understanding and doing, a combination of practical training methods can be used. The question at hand is how to actually cultivate new behaviors in trainees (or oneself) once the target traits or skills are identified. The approach involves a mix of attention-focusing games, simulations, and real-world practice—resonating with principles of deliberate practice and behavioral conditioning.
Focused Attention Games: These are small games or exercises that train one's attention on specific cues or behaviors, essentially building the mental muscle to recognize and choose the new behavior over old tendencies. This kind of training is analogous to attention-bias modification techniques used in psychology—as Emily Holmes, PhD, Professor of Psychology at Uppsala University, has shown, repeatedly directing attention toward certain types of information can shift people's biases in thinking. These games also keep the process fun and engaging, which is important because engagement equals more repetition.
Role-Playing Simulations: Simulation training involves practicing the target behavior in a realistic but safe environment. As Adam Grant, PhD, organizational psychologist at Wharton and author of Think Again, notes, improving soft skills is not a one-time event but a process—"just like going to the gym," you need ongoing practice and reinforcement, with consistency being key. The advantage of simulations is that they provide active, experiential learning—you're not just thinking about the skill, you're doing it. This is crucial for developing procedural knowledge and confidence. Another benefit is immediate feedback. Many AI or guided simulations can provide feedback on what you did well or how you might improve, accelerating learning by reinforcing the right behaviors and correcting mistakes.
Real-World Practice and Logging: Ultimately, behavior change must transfer to one's actual daily life. This method involves encouraging individuals to take small, concrete actions in their real environment that exemplify the new trait, and then logging or tracking those actions. The key here is applying the skills in varied, real contexts, because that's what solidifies a trait change and ensures it's not just an "in training mode" skill. Logging the actions serves multiple purposes—it makes people more mindful and deliberate, allows for reward and reinforcement, and becomes data for coaches or individuals to reflect on.
Additional Strategies for Lasting Behavior Change
- •Align Habits with Personal Values and Identity: When a new behavior is tied to a person's core values or desired identity, it gains internal fuel. Studies on habit formation have found that consistency is greater when the behavior aligns with one's self-image—it feels self-congruent rather than forced.
- •Use Implementation Intentions (If-Then Plans): An implementation intention is a concrete plan that specifies when, where, and how you will perform a behavior. This technique has strong backing in behavior science for helping people follow through on goals, because it links the cue and response in memory.
- •Feedback and Reflection: Change is faster when learners can reflect on what is working and where they are struggling. Incorporating brief reflection exercises—journaling, or end-of-day reviews—helps consolidate lessons.
- •Social Accountability and Support Systems: Actively use accountability structures. This could be a peer group all working on habits together, or a mentor/coach who the individual reports to.
- •Gamification and Incentives: Points, badges, progress bars, leaderboards, rewards for streaks—these add a sense of fun and accomplishment to what might otherwise feel like grind. Systematic reviews have found that gamification generally helps improve engagement and can lead to behavior change.
- •Progressive Challenge (Scaling Up): To grow a skill or trait to its full potential, gradually increase the challenge once the basics become habitual. This is analogous to increasing weight at the gym as muscles strengthen.
Designing a 90-Day Habit Training Cycle
Both research and practical experience suggest that around three months (90 days) is a reasonable timeframe to devote to developing a new habit or trait, before evaluating progress and recalibrating. This aligns well with the finding that 8–10 weeks is often needed to reach a plateau of automaticity for simpler habits, and perhaps a bit longer for complex behavior patterns. A 90-day cycle gives enough time to see real change, but is also short enough to feel like a defined challenge.
Weeks 1–2 (Initiation Phase): Focus on preparation and building motivation. Identify the specific behaviors and habits to target. Ensure each participant has the desire and belief in change. Have them formulate clear goals and implementation intentions. Modify the environment for early success. Start small: introduce the attention training games and have participants do very short simulations to get familiar. The goal in this phase is to get the first few "wins" and solidify the plan.
Weeks 3–6 (Learning Phase, Part 1): This is where consistent repetition gets underway. Participants perform their daily or weekly habit tasks and log them. Regular check-ins ensure accountability. It's important to monitor automaticity development. If someone is struggling, troubleshoot why—perhaps the behavior needs to be simplified or the cue changed. Consistency is crucial during the learning phase; missing one or two opportunities is okay, but if inconsistency persists, the habit won't form.
Weeks 7–10 (Learning Phase, Part 2): By now, some behaviors may be feeling easier. This is a critical juncture: motivation from the novelty may dip, so reliance on habit loops needs to take over. If the program was successful, participants should start to report that doing the new behavior is getting easier with time, maybe even feeling natural. It's a good time to slightly increase the challenge for those who are ready, while reinforcing the basics for anyone still solidifying.
Weeks 11–12 (Stability & Evaluation Phase): In the final stretch of the 90-day cycle, the focus is on evaluating progress and planning next steps. Participants can be re-tested via whatever assessment was used initially. Many should show measurable improvement on the target behaviors or traits. It's important to celebrate the achievements—reward the effort put in. At the same time, recognize that this is not the end of the journey: habits need to be maintained.
Conclusion
True behavior change—especially at the level of character and personality—is unquestionably hard, but it is achievable with a comprehensive, evidence-based approach. The science of habit formation teaches us that consistency, context, and time are the ingredients that turn initial efforts into automatic responses. Neuroscience shows that our brains are malleable; with repetition, neural pathways strengthen and behaviors that once required intense focus can become as intuitive as riding a bike. Psychology and behavioral design remind us that we must also account for human motivation and environment—making the path to new habits as smooth and rewarding as possible, and aligning change with personal values to give it meaning.
For a leader or coach, the challenge is to translate this knowledge into actionable training. By using targeted attention exercises, simulated practice, and real-world application, we can attack habit formation on multiple fronts, thereby increasing the likelihood of success. The process should be supported by feedback, social reinforcement, and perhaps a bit of gamified fun, to keep people engaged through the inevitable difficulties.
The result is not just a change in what people do, but in who they are. And when people change at that level, the impact on teams, organizations, and personal fulfillment is profound.
In practical terms, a well-structured 90-day habit training program can yield noticeable improvements in behaviors and set the foundation for lasting trait change. By focusing on one's specific growth areas (for example, balancing candor with diplomacy) and applying the principles of habit science, meaningful transformation can occur without magical shortcuts—but through steady, mindful effort. The result is not just a change in what people do, but in who they are. And when people change at that level, the impact on teams, organizations, and personal fulfillment is profound. Armed with scientific insights and a clear methodology, trainers and individuals can approach behavior change with confidence, knowing that even the hardest wood can be whittled into a new shape with enough patience and the right tools. True character growth is a journey—one intentional habit at a time—and science is illuminating the path forward for those ready to walk it.